Neurodivergence and Dysregulation

Behaviors often get significant attention in neurodivergent children. It is important to recognize that behavior can signal underlying issues such as sensory struggles, challenges with emotional modulation, confusion, anxiety related to social situations, transitions, unexpected changes, fears, trauma responses, medical needs, or other difficulties. Unfortunately, when a child exhibits dysregulated behavior, they are frequently mislabeled and misunderstood. Adults may perceive them as intentionally disobedient, defiant, or oppositional. This perspective dismisses the child’s genuine needs and the underlying cause of the behavior. Consequently, the child is often punished instead of receiving the help they need.

Adults must understand that most “problematic” behavior from neurodivergent children stems from a place of dysregulation. When a child’s system becomes overloaded, they struggle to regulate their emotions and physiological state. This results in an overwhelmed nervous system that often creates unwanted behaviors. These behaviors can manifest in various forms, including unusual or socially unique behavior, aggression (yelling, hitting, throwing), meltdowns (crying, running away, hiding under a table, shutting down), isolation, or other actions that differ from neurotypical behaviors.

Unwanted challenging behaviors occur when the neurodivergent child’s system is dysregulated.

Dysregulation is a state where a child has become overwhelmed, and unable to control their emotions, thoughts, and reactions. This state is not deliberate or premeditated. Dysregulated behavior is often mislabeled and misunderstood – blaming the child and assuming they could have responded differently. Such thinking is misguided and demonstrates a lack of understanding about neurodivergent children and dysregulation. During a dysregulated behavioral state, the child feels extremely unsettled, scared, and out of control. When adults respond to these states with threats, punishment, and negativity, it often exacerbates the child’s dysregulation. Instead, dysregulation should be approached with empathy and care for the child, prioritizing the creation of safety for everyone involved. When a child becomes fully dysregulated, the priority should be on regulation. The most effective response is to provide the child with a quiet, private space where they can naturally process down and regain regulation. Being purposeful and responding to the situation correctly allows the child’s system to gradually return to a more stable, regulated state.

The AutPlay Therapy Framework View of Dysregulation

Dysregulation leads to inconsistent behavior. A child may successfully accomplish a challenging task one day yet react negatively to something seemingly simple the next day. Whether a child regulates through a situation or has a dysregulated response will depend on the level of regulation/dysregulation present in the child at the moment. Some level of dysregulation is usually present in a neurodivergent child. When it reaches a level the child can no longer control, outward behavior emerges. The child may feel out of control and act accordingly, with little to no ability to process or regulate until the “threat” is removed and the system can naturally begin to stabilize (regulate). Implementing consequences will not resolve dysregulated behavior. Instead, a preventative approach is necessary. This requires adults to identify and address the areas creating the dysregulation and help the child develop regulation tools through co-regulation. Dysregulation can occur from many sources including trauma. It can be helpful to think of a dysregulated neurodivergent child as having a trauma reaction/response.

Theories and models focused on how trauma impacts individuals can provide some additional understanding of dysregulation in neurodivergent children. The window of tolerance developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, is a psychological concept describing the optimal range of arousal level where a person can function effectively, manage stress, and interact with others healthily; essentially, it’s the zone where someone feels calm, focused, and able to think clearly without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. Wright (2022) stated the window of tolerance (the optimal zone) is characterized by a sense of groundedness, flexibility, openness, curiosity, presence, and an ability to be emotionally regulated. If this window is eclipsed and a person experiences internal or external stressors that cause them to move beyond and outside of it, they may find themselves existing in either a hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused state.

Dr. Cathy Malchiodi (2021) conceptualized the circle of capacity which describes a “center that represents our baseline experience, an area that shrinks and expands in response to a variety of impacts including traumatic stress. The outer circle includes two general areas of body/mind capacity. One is the capacity for self-regulation, co-regulation, and resilience that modulate hyperarousal and over-activation. The second is the capacity to inhabit body and mind through resourcing enlivenment, empowerment, self-compassion, joy, playfulness, and curiosity.” Malchiodi’s capacity model brings us closer to the neurodivergent experience by addressing tangible, sensory, and somatic experiences of efficacy, resourcing, and resilience. Neurodivergent children can go beyond simply coping with dysregulating experiences to building empowerment and confidence to navigate through experiences that can be dysregulating. This can help enable advocacy and autonomy.

These models help us to understand the neurodivergent child’s dysregulation as outside of the child’s control, something outside of their “window of tolerance” or “circle of capacity.” This should create a level of empathy by the adult toward the child; understanding that the dysregulation and its accompanying behaviors are not something the child is doing on purpose. It further informs that adults would not want to judge or punish a trauma response or other mental health need. Unfortunately, this is what happens to many neurodivergent children when they are experiencing a dysregulated state.

The neurodivergent child’s dysregulation can be compared to water in a glass, rising as
dysregulation increases and declining as it decreases. Many factors can contribute to increased
dysregulation, and often neither the child nor others can observe the dysregulation increasing.
Conversely, the child and others may not understand what helps regulate the child. When the
water (dysregulation) reaches the top of the cup and overflows, it results in the stereotypical
“behavior meltdown.” The child’s system is the cup, and the water represents the amount of dysregulation in the child. Dysregulation is fluid; it can increase or decrease depending on various factors.

The key question is how full is the cup at any given time? In other words, how much dysregulation is the child experiencing at the moment? Equally important is considering how much room remains in the cup-how much regulation capacity the child has to regulate through a situation. The level of regulation/dysregulation fluctuates throughout the day, depending on events or circumstances that either help the child regulate or contribute to their dysregulation. Once the water reaches the top of the cup and overflows, it signifies that the child’s system is fully overloaded, leading to a dysregulated meltdown.

How to Address Regulation/Dysregulation

In general, neurodivergent children tend to be more regulated when they have autonomy. Allowing the child to navigate situations at their comfort level and make choices that support their neurodivergent way of being helps them regulate more effectively. Additionally, the more familiar and safer the child feels with the people and environment around them, the better their system will function. Various interventions and activities can aid in regulation, but each child is unique in what works best for them. Some common regulation strategies include:

Movement – Midline crossing, bilateral stimulation, yoga, exercise.
Expressive Activities (art) – Drawing, painting, music, crafting, creating.
Traditional Relaxation – Deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive relaxation, sleeping.
Sensory Activities – Movement, sensory toys and items, weighted blanket or vest, sandtray.  
Gaming – Video games, various apps, gaming station, VR, tablet, phone.
A Regulating Adult – A regulated adult providing co-regulation.

Teaching a child to recognize when they are becoming dysregulated and to address it using regulating strategies, such as co-regulation and self-advocacy, is an important goal. However, it is often a long-term objective that requires time and practice. Incorporating regulation activities into the child’s daily schedule can be implemented relatively quickly and can help address the dysregulation. Additionally, attention MUST be given to environmental factors that may be dysregulating the child and determine whether changes can be made and/or supports put in place to help the child. It is not fair to assume that all the regulation work needs to be done by the child; the child is the one who needs to change. Often environmental situations, and adults in those environments, are contributing and/or causing dysregulation and need to work on their own change. This may require advocacy to ensure that appropriate support and accommodations are implemented effectively into the child’s life.  

The primary focus of adults should be on helping the child regulate. Some key points to remember when experiencing dysregulated behavior from the neurodivergent child include:

1. Behavior is communication. Explore what is creating the behavior (dysregulating the child). Behavior always communicates something. Even if the child’s outward behavior is different from what the child is experiencing internally, it still communicates important information. Addressing behavior should be approached with exploration, curiosity, and a genuine desire to better understand the child.

2. The behavior is not personal. The child is not deliberately trying to provoke you. Try to temper any personal reaction you may have.

3. The child is dysregulated and not in control. The behavior is neither intentional nor planned. Try to avoid thoughts and feelings that the child is “mean” or a “brat” or doing this to gain or get something they want.

4. Try to stay calm, do not become anxious. Try to react to the child in a calm manner. Make it a goal to keep yourself regulated when working with a dysregulated child. 

5. Do not try to force the child to stop by making threats, giving warnings, or punishing. Dysregulated behavior will never be addressed by delivering consequences.

6. Navigate through the dysregulated behavior as smoothly as possible. The goal at the moment is not education but ensuring everyone’s safety and managing the dysregulation effectively.

7. Give the child space and time to reset or relax. Safely guide them to a low-stimulation space or room where their system can naturally regulate.

8. Once the dysregulated behavior has passed, assess what created the behavior and implement preventative measures to help the child.

What does regulation allow and what does dysregulation prevent? Understanding this is crucial when working with children whose regulatory systems are sensitive and prone to fluctuate. Neurodivergent children need professionals and caregivers who understand their regulatory system needs and can offer appropriate support. Instead of labeling the child as “exhibiting problem behavior,” professionals and caregivers must focus on understanding the child. This approach requires care, empathy, and a commitment to identifying the sources that cause dysregulation for the child and strategies that can help them regulate. Moreover, it is essential for professionals and caregivers to recognize the importance of fostering regulation and to understand the challenges that arise when a child is dysregulated. Facilitating regulation is critical to helping children thrive in their environments and relationships.  

Neurodivergent dysregulation must be understood with empathy and support, rather than labeling the child as a behavior problem, scolding, or villainizing them. It is essential to go beyond addressing behavior and prioritize the mental health and well-being of the child. We must recognize the source of the child’s dysregulation may lie within their environments or the people within them. This understanding requires a willingness to change environments and possibly change ourselves. The following provides examples of the contrast between being regulated vs being dysregulated.

Regulation vs Dysregulation: What is Available for the Child

Regulation Allows the Child To:
Play, explore, and enjoy their world. Improve their self-worth. Process information and explore responses. Examine emotions and modulate emotional experiences. Attempt and/or provide communication. Focus on and build relationships. Explore and navigate social environments. Work on and implement perspective-taking. Execute executive functioning and other strengths. Focus on learning, growing, and achievement. Feel a sense of comfort and safety. Possess the energy to regulate through challenging situations. Enjoy navigating through experiences just being themselves.

Dysregulation Prevents the Child From:
Engaging in play and enjoying activities. Feeling safe and producing safe behaviors. Communicating thoughts and feelings. Responding to adult questions. The presence to process sensory and other input. The ability to “get control”, “calm down”, or “stop”. Producing avenues of effective executive functioning. Feeling calm, relaxed, and focused. Modulating their emotions. Listening to and understanding a list of instructions or commands. Providing the adult with the desired outcomes they want from the child.  Attending to schoolwork, chores, or other expectations and demands. Producing their strengths and being themselves.

Helping neurodivergent children with dysregulation is crucial in mental health care because it allows children to better understand themselves, their neurodivergent presentation, improve their self-worth, and ultimately enhance their quality of life. It directly enables children to navigate everyday situations more effectively and participate fully in their environment; this is especially important as neurodivergent children often experience a variety of environmental challenges to their regulatory system. They need mental health professionals who will navigate away from judging, negative, labeling behavior and purposefully understand and support them and their regulation needs.

Referencing this paper: Source: Grant, R. J. (2025, January 12) Neurodivergence and dysregulation. https://autplaytherapy.com/about-autplay-therapy/resources/

Research and Resources

Beck, K. B., MacKenzie, K. T., Kumar, T., Breitenfeldt, K. E., Chang, J. C., Conner, C. M., & Mazefsky, C. A. (2024). “The world’s really not set up for the neurodivergent person”: Understanding emotion dysregulation from the perspective of autistic adults. Autism in Adulthood.

Black, M. H., Helander, J., Segers, J., Ingard, C., Bervoets, J., de Puget, V. G., & Bölte, S. (2024). Resilience in the face of neurodivergence: A systematic scoping review of resilience and factors promoting positive outcomes. Clinical Psychology Review, 102487.

Goodall, E., Brownlow, C., Fein, E. C., & Candeloro, S. (2022). Creating inclusive classrooms for highly dysregulated students: What can we learn from existing literature? Education Sciences, 12(8), 504.

Grant, R. J. (2023). The AutPlay therapy handbook: Integrative family play therapy with neurodivergent children. Routledge.

Leinfuss, J., & O’Hara, E. (2024). Facilitating Inclusion for Neurodiverse Students Using Evidence-Based Practices: A Strengths-Based Approach to Sensory Regulation. Journal of Occupational Therapy, Schools, & Early Intervention, 1-13.

Malchiodi, C. (2021, September 15). Traumatic stress and the circle of capacity: It’s time to release trauma survivors from the task of tolerance. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/arts-and-health/202109/traumatic-stress-and-the-circle-capacity

McDonald, R. G., Cargill, M. I., Khawar, S., & Kang, E. (2024). Emotion dysregulation in autism: A meta-analysis. Autism, 28(12), 2986-3001.

Neff, M. A. (n.d). The window of tolerance: How to better handle stress. Retrieved from https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/window-of-tolerance

Neff, M. A. (n.d). The Autistic and ADHD Nervous System. Retrieved from https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/autistic-adhd-nervous-system

Tejasvi, P., & Kumar, T. (2024). A smart system facilitating emotional regulation in neurodivergent children. Procedia Computer Science, 235, 3257-3270.

Udonsi, P. (2024). Responding to distressed behavior at the intersection of learning disability and neurodivergence. Learning Disability Practice, 27(5).

Wright, A. (2022, May 23). What is the window of tolerance, and why is it so important?
Developing “window of tolerance” is especially critical for trauma survivors. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-the-whole-beautiful/202205/what-is-the-window-of-tolerance-and-why-is-it-so-important